Things My Mother Taught Me...

In honor of Mother's Day,

I've been pulling together a list 

of these very important things that Mom taught me.

I'm hoping that sis & bro have more to add,

but here's the list so far...

1) Take good care of your teeth.

2) Save a little money every week, you'll have F.U. money. 

3)  If you cook anything for your family, put a little TLC in the pot.

4) If it falls on the floor, kiss it up to god.

5) Learn touch-typing, it might come in handy some day.

6) Don't chase boys, let them chase you.

7) If you're built like a brick shithouse, 

don't wear those baggy clothes.

8) If you come home past curfew, you better have a pint of Haagen Daz Choc. choc. chip.

9) If you don't want to get pregnant, 

keep an aspirin between your knees.

10) If you DO want to get pregnant, do it doggie style.

12) Don't sh*t where you eat.

13) Accessorize.

14) ALWAYS wipe from front to back

From my Bro:

Momma taught me how to:

Make latkes & matzoh balls & kasha varnishkas

Throw cocktail parties

Play gin rummy

Squeeze a nickel til the indian rides the buffalo

Scotty says his Momma taught him how to make pancakes and eggplant parmigiana.

xxoo

-D.

LATE EDITIONS 

from Sis:

Always wear clean underwear, you never know what will happen.

A rich man is as easy to find as a poor man.

Save your money. ( I never did till now, I'm 52)

Your family will always be there for you.

A sense of humor goes a long way.

How to make matzah balls, kasha varnishkas and stuffed baked clams.

loyalty

shoes and bags that match are a good thing

love Dani

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

We Love you!

xxooh