Saturday, May 9, 2009

Things My Mother Taught Me...

In honor of Mother's Day,
I've been pulling together a list 
of these very important things that Mom taught me.
I'm hoping that sis & bro have more to add,
but here's the list so far...

1) Take good care of your teeth.
2) Save a little money every week, you'll have F.U. money. 
3)  If you cook anything for your family, put a little TLC in the pot.
4) If it falls on the floor, kiss it up to god.
5) Learn touch-typing, it might come in handy some day.
6) Don't chase boys, let them chase you.
7) If you're built like a brick shithouse, 
don't wear those baggy clothes.
8) If you come home past curfew, you better have a pint of Haagen Daz Choc. choc. chip.
9) If you don't want to get pregnant, 
keep an aspirin between your knees.
10) If you DO want to get pregnant, do it doggie style.
12) Don't sh*t where you eat.
13) Accessorize.
14) ALWAYS wipe from front to back

From my Bro:
Momma taught me how to:
Make latkes & matzoh balls & kasha varnishkas
Throw cocktail parties
Play gin rummy
Squeeze a nickel til the indian rides the buffalo
Scotty says his Momma taught him how to make pancakes and eggplant parmigiana.

from Sis:
Always wear clean underwear, you never know what will happen.
A rich man is as easy to find as a poor man.
Save your money. ( I never did till now, I'm 52)
Your family will always be there for you.
A sense of humor goes a long way.
How to make matzah balls, kasha varnishkas and stuffed baked clams.
shoes and bags that match are a good thing

love Dani

Happy Mother's Day Mom!
We Love you!


modernemama said...

Life in a nutshell! What a character and what a gorgeous blouse!
#9 so much easier than the nuns' advice:
If a boy asks you to sit on his knee, place the telephone directory between you and him. It was so cumbersome carrying that around for all those years!

Frau said...

OMG I love your Mom. My Mom taught me the FU account also, comes in very handy! I love the list so great. Have a Happy Mother's Day!

Cheryl said...

This made me smile and laugh. Love it. I'll have to do a similar tribute post to my Mama tomorrow. Happy Mother's Day! xx

Pickle Horwitz said...

Totally, absolutely, completely fantastic! I might just print this up and hang it on my wall.

Happy Mother's Day, m'dahling. May a clean house, a scrumptious breakfast, obedient children and a fawning husband await you in the morn.


pve design said...

I like a Mom who can give good tips.
Happy Mom's day - full of accessories and F.U. Money.

Ellen Fagan said...

Your mother is a darling. & beautiful. & loving & witty & wise & naughty. What a gift! Thanks, Heidi! (You're pretty spectac too.)

Krissy said...

aaahaha! what a fantastic list! your mom is a hoot :) happy mothers day to you...

Bradford said...

#10? I'm not even going to touch this.

I'd take a portrait of your mom any day if she promised to wear that shirt....

Debra said...

I love your list, your Mom's list...all of the lists! Your Mom is a beauty! With a list like wonder you are such a delight!

Renovation Therapy said...

Had to post over here too, not just on Twitter. Love this post. My parents pushed the aspirin/knees thing too. I'm told it works.

A Day That is Dessert said...

I love this list! Hope you had a wonderful weekend my friend. xoxo

Elena said...

Your mom taught me to put on a sweater and hide the remote! Much love, heid.

Laura @ the shorehouse. said...

Well clearly I need to meet your mom. ;-)

Happy belated mom's day to you!

Bonbon Oiseau said...

hahahahahaha! now i see where you get it from! you are TOO funny.